Why we do what we do?

Can you relate? Try this on for size...Is there ever a time in your life when the constant of change has become the only variable that is stable? Raise your hands boys and girls if you feel that you completely understand what CTJ is saying? I know one person that does. This person, who will be referred to as Agent 99 here after, only knows how to duck, dodge and weave. That is 99’s constant. 99 gave tips to Muhammad Ali on how to rope a dope. I would love, and love is not to strong of a word here, to give Agent 99 peace, happiness and comfort for 24 hours.... one day. That's it. Why so short … because 99, like me, can't handle the truth as Jack told us on the stand. We both suffer from the same chronic disease...WE ARE CRAZY AS HELL! Follow me here, if I was to described a person as smart, funny, witty, attractive, great job, financial ok... what would be the first thing that pops in your mind…. These people have it going on. And you are right, 99% correct. However, Agent 99 and I have this thing, this desire, this curse.... it's hard to explain because if I did explain only two people would get it... so I am right back where I started... can you relate????? Let me help you.... NO you can't and that my P1's is the problem, the answer and the future.

If I had a picture of a very cool event that happened in a very important time in the history of our country and I showed it to 100 people and asked them what they saw, I would get the random comments like... a guy kissing a girl, it's a staged photo.... etc. However if Agent 99 looked at said picture, 99 would feel and that is what makes 99 do what 99 does. You see in the end Agent 99 can't do what she knows is right...99 can't have the peace, happiness and comfort that I sooooo much want to give 99 because of two very simple reasons. First, 99 can 't get past the past. And secondly, 99 won't allow the heart to be more than an organ that pumps blood. For those that don't get it, don't worry only 1 % does.

I just want to stage left with this...if 99 and I through the miracles of science and medicine was able to swap hearts, we could not have the peace, happiness and comfort that appears to be the holy grail because of one simple reason. 99 and CTJ have the same heart and whether we like it or not, that is our constant. Until we figure a way to stop trying to not be happy with us then all we have is a life full of plan B’s.