Valentine’s Day

List of Valentine's cards I can't seem to find at Hallmark:

Happy V-Day to my friend who might or might not be happy. Hope you find love someday with the gender of your choice????

Happy Valentine's Day to the guy in the pickup who almost ran into me in the parking ramp. I hope you find the special love you really, really, really deserve.

Dear Valentine, sorry about the crabs.

Happy Valentine's Day to someone who deserves nothing but the best…. This card gets you out of paying for your part of dinner….again.

On this Valentine's Day, I am so glad that I am not your Valentine. In fact, I am so glad you showed your true colors and revealed the slutty whore you actually are! How’s life with half your friends…..Ps Your new hair cut sucks ass.

And lastly, "be my Valentine" means "remember to take out the trash and help me clean up my place after you trash it”.