How I got here
I really can't believe this but for some strange reason I have gotten about 40 requests for my retirement speech. Since I am on vacation.....kinda, I thought I would put it on my blog for everyone to print off. This is a big step for me because I think that there is only two maybe three people that know that I even have a blog..... Anyway enjoy.
Wow, it’s really here. I have a speech and I’ll get to it in a moment. What I would like to do before I start….. is give you a little insight into the lack of faith everyone has in me to pull this retirement speech off. I have gotten all kinds of advice: be funny, don’t be funny, you are not that funny. Be witty, don’t be witty, you are not that witty. Can you see a trend here? Well, I must say the best the piece of advice came from Admiral Anne Gilbride, who could not attend today and I told her if she did not attend it was almost assured that I was going to talk about her. Most of you know that Admiral Gilbride and I have a love hate relationship….. I hate it that she loves me so much. So, on the back of an envelope, the Admiral wrote down how she prepares for speeches and she speaks at events frequently, so I thought I’d take her up on the sequence or process that she goes through before she delivers each speech. The good Admiral wrote down the advice on the back of an envelope folded it in half and handed it to me. She said, “the night before the ceremony, read this and it will help you get through the speech.” So last night as I was reading over my retirement speech, I remembered what Admiral Gilbride had said. I looked around, found the folded envelope and I want to share what she wrote. On the back of the envelope were the letters N-O-C-H-O-K-E. The letters spell out NO CHOKE. So her confidence in me apparently was not strong as I assumed. So let me share what she wrote next to each letter.
N – NO MASCARA
O – OPEN YOUR HEART
C – CREATE YOUR REMARKS IN
ADVANCE
H – H2O ON THE PODIUM
O – OVER AND OVER (5 TIMES)
ALOUD
K – KEEP IT SIMPLE STUDIP
E – EVEN IF YOU CHOKE UP IT WILL STILL BE OK
Friends, family, loved ones, fellow officers, ladies and gentlemen, welcome. I am deeply touched that you have taken time out of your busy day to attend this ceremony. It is difficult for me to express what it has meant to me to serve in the Navy for over Twenty years. I think Shakespeare’s character; King Henry sums it up for me.
And say 'Tomorrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names, Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
That sums up the bond of service that I so covet. It is not the job, it is not the travel. It is the common, one for all, we go as the weakest goes attitude that brings the most diverse group of people together and asks them to give up individual fame, glory, riches and accolades for a common goal of service. Be judged by a different standard, almost always misunderstood, yet love by the masses. I’ll take it. Where do I sign up? I would do again tomorrow.
I have been accused of writing my retirement speech for twenty years. The long drives from Virginia Beach to GA, from DC to GA and the cross country flights from the West coast, I would think about all the retirements I had attended and would put myself at the podium, try to come up with something witty to say and then recap the last 2, 4, 8, 12, 18 years. As much as that was just a way to pass the time – it served as a great mental exercise that kept important people, their effect on my life and my career, fresh in my memory. Well, the day of truth is here and under normal circumstances I would have pulled out all those old speeches but I can’t. Last August, just about this time actually in a very intense situation, I lost twenty years of sayings, all my theories on life and the most coveted piece of paper…. The Mullis Standard.
I started writing all these things down over 20 years ago in Boot Camp. My company commander MSC Meadows made all of us pullout a piece of paper and write down ten things that we wanted to achieve in the next five years. Today, I realize that that was the greatest recruiting tool ever used. It was so simple, yet effective. Most of us were on four-year contracts, so by putting goals out five years, he basically was getting us to think, at a very young stage of our careers, that we were going to stay past our initial obligation. So that list of ten things turned into four yellow legal size pieces of paper, back and front, that I carried in my wallet until August 8, 2005. It’s is amazing the influence writing something down has on your life. Well, the five-year plan turned into a ten-year plan that turned into a twenty-year plan. However, all my trashy theories started getting mixed in with the goals on the yellow sheet of paper so I came up with a separate list, the Mullis standard. It started on a non-sticky post it note. Initially, there were ten. Then, I started writing down saying that I heard people say and at last count there were 235 sayings and theories on those pieces of paper. In fact, some of you know that I secretly I am a closet social scientist and I have been gathering data for about 15 years. This data was going to be genius of a book. In fact, many of you in this very room have been captured on those sheets of paper. So without the reference of my yellow sheets of paper I am going to just tell you about the Mullis standard and a few stories about some of you that are here and some that are not. I believe I could rattle off something unique about almost everyone in this room but we only have an hour. So here goes.
The Standard
Being good rule – it ain’t bragging if you can do it folks. Don’t apologize. I have made a career out of sneaking up on folks. Understand what your strengths are know what your weaknesses are and leverage one against the other.
2% rule – You can stand on the tee box, and drive a golf ball 300 yards down the center of the fairway. When you walk up the ball you find it in a two inch divot. You did everything perfect, the best you could do. You can’t focus on the 2% that you can’t control it takes away from the 98% that you can.
30% rule – It is nearly impossible to influence an entire organization, however you can find about 30% of that organization that has your vision, agrees with your ideals and the methods which you use to motivate. The secret is to be open enough to find those people because sometimes they are hidden.
Goat rule – If you eat, sleep and live with goats pretty soon you start smelling like a goat. What this means is that perception is reality whether it truly is or not. Choose wisely.
DANR – Don’t Accept NO Rule. I applied to 13 programs before I got accepted to the Enlisted Education Advancement Program. You can’t let NO stand in your way.
Be nice – That is easy. I think.
Baseball rule – There are only three things that can happen in baseball and they apply to life. You win some; you lose some and some days you get rained out…. just like in life. You can’t help the rain but everything else is up to you.
The tombstone theory – The greatest men and women in the world have about the same thing on their tombstone: Name, a saying, and a date. The most important thing on that tombstone is not who they were or what someone thought about them. The most important thing is the dash. That is right the dash. You know in the date 1920 – 1997. It is not when they were born or even when they died. It is the dash. What they did. Who they influenced, how they did what they did. The dash is important.
Protect tradition by Respecting the elderly. You can’t know the future without understanding the past. The corporate knowledge of everything that we have done usually is sitting right next to us and we disregard their input because we think they are out of touch.
When all is said and done give the credit to the people that deserve it – Make sure that the folks that do the work that makes your job easier understand that you appreciate what they do.
Well that is it. That is how I did it. Pretty simple. I would not change a thing.
I am going to leave you with a few quotes and a couple stories that kinda puts the cherry on the cake if you will. So here goes
At Russ Spalding’s retirement, I was honored to be a side boy. Right next to me was CAPT Kevin Lerrette. The ceremony had started and we were seated next to you each other. Russ is delivering his speech and he comes to this part where he says, “ People have accused me of thinking to much.” CAPT Lerrette leans over and says, “ Nobody will ever say that about you.”
I once was talking about communication and my lack of ability to convince a certain group to see the issue my way. CAPT Lerrette once again offered this nugget of advice. Joel, do you want to know the secret of an effective communicator? Never miss an opportunity to keep your damn mouth shut.
I was talking to CAPT Laura Forbes once about how poorly my writing skills were. She said, Joel if you want to be a good writer you have to read good books. She was right.
Master Chief Roger Matthews once asked me if I knew how to tell if you are a good leader. I was 22 years old almost 23. I had just made first class. Clueless. I looked at him with the blank look and he said, “Turn around and see if anyone is following you.” Now folks, if that ain’t the essence of a 41 years of experience reduced down to it’s basic element so a 22 year old could understand it I don’t know what is.
I fear that the leadership of my beloved Navy has just taken a step that could set us back to ship with clothe sails. Master Chief Bill Waller on finding out that I had been accepted to AOCS.
COL Jeff Burton instilled in me a way to attack every problem that you face. He would tell me that we are always going to do the harder right than the easier wrong. And we did.
To say that I was wild in my younger days maybe an understatement. My running line has always been that wherever I am is the place to be. Here are a few quotes that have been become infamous over the years.
Joel, “just because you have a pointed head, doesn’t mean that you are sharp.” CDR Harms, now ADM Harms
Joel where is your shoes… Georgetown. Joel where is your shirt…..Richmond.
How much do you think that bull weighs? Is that a lot.
You hide your intelligence well.
How high do you think we are? How deep do you think it is? Do you think we should take off our pants?
Setting the record straight ......
On a VTC, I did say, “Let the Air Force clean the Bleeeping showers and General Sanchez did say Joel is that you.
I had nothing to do with the MD Governor’s limo being stolen.
The Parachuting event on Columbia Pike was not as serious as everyone made it out to be.
We brought back the oyster cart in Marseille France.
The story with me and the trashcan in AOCS did not result in me giving mouth to mouth to Gunny Sergeant Seal.
Do you have any visine is not the greatest pick up line… but occasionally it works.
My mom and I were having a pretty deep conversation about death not to long ago. I told her that when I die, I wanted to be soaked in bourbon, set afloat down the Oconee river in a burning pine box. My mom looked at me for what seemed like 10 seconds and then said, what kind of Bourbon.
Last, one…. Promise. So Admiral Gilbride’s husband had been on a business trip to South America. He brings the good Admiral back a wonderful Red dress. So she tried it on and it coming down the stairs and her four year old son Caleb, looks up at Admiral Gilbride and says Mommie, your look better than you are. Well, folks that is the way I feel about my Naval career. When you put on this uniform you feel ten foot tall and bullet proof….. better than you are.
Into the breech once again my good friends.
I can remember my dad asking me often…. Do you know what tomorrow is….. Just another day. Just another day. Thank you again for coming.
Wow, it’s really here. I have a speech and I’ll get to it in a moment. What I would like to do before I start….. is give you a little insight into the lack of faith everyone has in me to pull this retirement speech off. I have gotten all kinds of advice: be funny, don’t be funny, you are not that funny. Be witty, don’t be witty, you are not that witty. Can you see a trend here? Well, I must say the best the piece of advice came from Admiral Anne Gilbride, who could not attend today and I told her if she did not attend it was almost assured that I was going to talk about her. Most of you know that Admiral Gilbride and I have a love hate relationship….. I hate it that she loves me so much. So, on the back of an envelope, the Admiral wrote down how she prepares for speeches and she speaks at events frequently, so I thought I’d take her up on the sequence or process that she goes through before she delivers each speech. The good Admiral wrote down the advice on the back of an envelope folded it in half and handed it to me. She said, “the night before the ceremony, read this and it will help you get through the speech.” So last night as I was reading over my retirement speech, I remembered what Admiral Gilbride had said. I looked around, found the folded envelope and I want to share what she wrote. On the back of the envelope were the letters N-O-C-H-O-K-E. The letters spell out NO CHOKE. So her confidence in me apparently was not strong as I assumed. So let me share what she wrote next to each letter.
N – NO MASCARA
O – OPEN YOUR HEART
C – CREATE YOUR REMARKS IN
ADVANCE
H – H2O ON THE PODIUM
O – OVER AND OVER (5 TIMES)
ALOUD
K – KEEP IT SIMPLE STUDIP
E – EVEN IF YOU CHOKE UP IT WILL STILL BE OK
Friends, family, loved ones, fellow officers, ladies and gentlemen, welcome. I am deeply touched that you have taken time out of your busy day to attend this ceremony. It is difficult for me to express what it has meant to me to serve in the Navy for over Twenty years. I think Shakespeare’s character; King Henry sums it up for me.
And say 'Tomorrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names, Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
That sums up the bond of service that I so covet. It is not the job, it is not the travel. It is the common, one for all, we go as the weakest goes attitude that brings the most diverse group of people together and asks them to give up individual fame, glory, riches and accolades for a common goal of service. Be judged by a different standard, almost always misunderstood, yet love by the masses. I’ll take it. Where do I sign up? I would do again tomorrow.
I have been accused of writing my retirement speech for twenty years. The long drives from Virginia Beach to GA, from DC to GA and the cross country flights from the West coast, I would think about all the retirements I had attended and would put myself at the podium, try to come up with something witty to say and then recap the last 2, 4, 8, 12, 18 years. As much as that was just a way to pass the time – it served as a great mental exercise that kept important people, their effect on my life and my career, fresh in my memory. Well, the day of truth is here and under normal circumstances I would have pulled out all those old speeches but I can’t. Last August, just about this time actually in a very intense situation, I lost twenty years of sayings, all my theories on life and the most coveted piece of paper…. The Mullis Standard.
I started writing all these things down over 20 years ago in Boot Camp. My company commander MSC Meadows made all of us pullout a piece of paper and write down ten things that we wanted to achieve in the next five years. Today, I realize that that was the greatest recruiting tool ever used. It was so simple, yet effective. Most of us were on four-year contracts, so by putting goals out five years, he basically was getting us to think, at a very young stage of our careers, that we were going to stay past our initial obligation. So that list of ten things turned into four yellow legal size pieces of paper, back and front, that I carried in my wallet until August 8, 2005. It’s is amazing the influence writing something down has on your life. Well, the five-year plan turned into a ten-year plan that turned into a twenty-year plan. However, all my trashy theories started getting mixed in with the goals on the yellow sheet of paper so I came up with a separate list, the Mullis standard. It started on a non-sticky post it note. Initially, there were ten. Then, I started writing down saying that I heard people say and at last count there were 235 sayings and theories on those pieces of paper. In fact, some of you know that I secretly I am a closet social scientist and I have been gathering data for about 15 years. This data was going to be genius of a book. In fact, many of you in this very room have been captured on those sheets of paper. So without the reference of my yellow sheets of paper I am going to just tell you about the Mullis standard and a few stories about some of you that are here and some that are not. I believe I could rattle off something unique about almost everyone in this room but we only have an hour. So here goes.
The Standard
Being good rule – it ain’t bragging if you can do it folks. Don’t apologize. I have made a career out of sneaking up on folks. Understand what your strengths are know what your weaknesses are and leverage one against the other.
2% rule – You can stand on the tee box, and drive a golf ball 300 yards down the center of the fairway. When you walk up the ball you find it in a two inch divot. You did everything perfect, the best you could do. You can’t focus on the 2% that you can’t control it takes away from the 98% that you can.
30% rule – It is nearly impossible to influence an entire organization, however you can find about 30% of that organization that has your vision, agrees with your ideals and the methods which you use to motivate. The secret is to be open enough to find those people because sometimes they are hidden.
Goat rule – If you eat, sleep and live with goats pretty soon you start smelling like a goat. What this means is that perception is reality whether it truly is or not. Choose wisely.
DANR – Don’t Accept NO Rule. I applied to 13 programs before I got accepted to the Enlisted Education Advancement Program. You can’t let NO stand in your way.
Be nice – That is easy. I think.
Baseball rule – There are only three things that can happen in baseball and they apply to life. You win some; you lose some and some days you get rained out…. just like in life. You can’t help the rain but everything else is up to you.
The tombstone theory – The greatest men and women in the world have about the same thing on their tombstone: Name, a saying, and a date. The most important thing on that tombstone is not who they were or what someone thought about them. The most important thing is the dash. That is right the dash. You know in the date 1920 – 1997. It is not when they were born or even when they died. It is the dash. What they did. Who they influenced, how they did what they did. The dash is important.
Protect tradition by Respecting the elderly. You can’t know the future without understanding the past. The corporate knowledge of everything that we have done usually is sitting right next to us and we disregard their input because we think they are out of touch.
When all is said and done give the credit to the people that deserve it – Make sure that the folks that do the work that makes your job easier understand that you appreciate what they do.
Well that is it. That is how I did it. Pretty simple. I would not change a thing.
I am going to leave you with a few quotes and a couple stories that kinda puts the cherry on the cake if you will. So here goes
At Russ Spalding’s retirement, I was honored to be a side boy. Right next to me was CAPT Kevin Lerrette. The ceremony had started and we were seated next to you each other. Russ is delivering his speech and he comes to this part where he says, “ People have accused me of thinking to much.” CAPT Lerrette leans over and says, “ Nobody will ever say that about you.”
I once was talking about communication and my lack of ability to convince a certain group to see the issue my way. CAPT Lerrette once again offered this nugget of advice. Joel, do you want to know the secret of an effective communicator? Never miss an opportunity to keep your damn mouth shut.
I was talking to CAPT Laura Forbes once about how poorly my writing skills were. She said, Joel if you want to be a good writer you have to read good books. She was right.
Master Chief Roger Matthews once asked me if I knew how to tell if you are a good leader. I was 22 years old almost 23. I had just made first class. Clueless. I looked at him with the blank look and he said, “Turn around and see if anyone is following you.” Now folks, if that ain’t the essence of a 41 years of experience reduced down to it’s basic element so a 22 year old could understand it I don’t know what is.
I fear that the leadership of my beloved Navy has just taken a step that could set us back to ship with clothe sails. Master Chief Bill Waller on finding out that I had been accepted to AOCS.
COL Jeff Burton instilled in me a way to attack every problem that you face. He would tell me that we are always going to do the harder right than the easier wrong. And we did.
To say that I was wild in my younger days maybe an understatement. My running line has always been that wherever I am is the place to be. Here are a few quotes that have been become infamous over the years.
Joel, “just because you have a pointed head, doesn’t mean that you are sharp.” CDR Harms, now ADM Harms
Joel where is your shoes… Georgetown. Joel where is your shirt…..Richmond.
How much do you think that bull weighs? Is that a lot.
You hide your intelligence well.
How high do you think we are? How deep do you think it is? Do you think we should take off our pants?
Setting the record straight ......
On a VTC, I did say, “Let the Air Force clean the Bleeeping showers and General Sanchez did say Joel is that you.
I had nothing to do with the MD Governor’s limo being stolen.
The Parachuting event on Columbia Pike was not as serious as everyone made it out to be.
We brought back the oyster cart in Marseille France.
The story with me and the trashcan in AOCS did not result in me giving mouth to mouth to Gunny Sergeant Seal.
Do you have any visine is not the greatest pick up line… but occasionally it works.
My mom and I were having a pretty deep conversation about death not to long ago. I told her that when I die, I wanted to be soaked in bourbon, set afloat down the Oconee river in a burning pine box. My mom looked at me for what seemed like 10 seconds and then said, what kind of Bourbon.
Last, one…. Promise. So Admiral Gilbride’s husband had been on a business trip to South America. He brings the good Admiral back a wonderful Red dress. So she tried it on and it coming down the stairs and her four year old son Caleb, looks up at Admiral Gilbride and says Mommie, your look better than you are. Well, folks that is the way I feel about my Naval career. When you put on this uniform you feel ten foot tall and bullet proof….. better than you are.
Into the breech once again my good friends.
I can remember my dad asking me often…. Do you know what tomorrow is….. Just another day. Just another day. Thank you again for coming.
posted by The DCC Group at 4:01 PM
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